So
I leave in under thirty-six hours... closer to thirty now... eh who
cares. I really want to get a start on this whatever it is that I am
apparently going to be writing for my travels, but I have no idea
what to write to get the ball rolling.
I've been
thinking a bit about self-awareness lately, and what it means for
someone like me who is looking to better themselves and 'make moves'
whatever the fuck that means. Basically, the main reason I have sort
of settled upon in upping stumps and leaving Adelaide for the
apparently greener pastures of Melbourne is this: I have always felt
like there is a safety net for me here and I want to live away from
that safety. That sounds like a terribly naïve and arrogant thing to
want to do, and maybe it is some arrogance born out of the privilege
that I have no doubt been lucky enough to receive in my twenty-one
years in this peaceful city, but that doesn't change the fact that I
want to do it, and in my extensive experience with myself, when I
want to do something, no amount of good counsel can convince me to do
otherwise. So I want to live without the safety net – I want to
find the 'edge' that Hunter S. talked about when he rode his
motorbike out on the freeway on cold, silent nights with no helmet
and no reservation... “the edge, the only people who know where it
is are those who have crossed over it”... I think the line goes
something like that and I cannot be darryled looking it up at the
minute.
A massive barrage
of motivational quotes and sayings and wise, wise words have seemed
to jump out at me in the past few weeks, maybe reflecting my need for
inspiration and a kick in the ass to get out of here, or maybe
reflecting a higher number of inspired people becoming active on
facebook, who knows. These things though, as always, solve absolutely
nothing, and this is where the self-awareness that I was about to
talk about before comes back into things. I want to better myself,
that is what this is all about, this trip, or move, or adventure or
whatever I decide to call it. (true to form, still humming and hawing
on the particulars) But saying those simple words; “I want to
better myself” is such a cheap and easy gesture, to myself and to
those around me. I'm noticing, hopefully pre-emptively, that it is
very easy to fall into the trap of considering mere self-awareness as
growth in itself... I am not lazy enough to think that this is the
case, but I know that I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of
this fact as the option of giving up and returning to comfort
inevitably presents itself over and over again. I am aware of my
admittedly hazy goal, and I am aware of the method (if you can call
moving to Melbourne with $280 and a bag full of shit a method) that I
have chosen to achieve it. I think right now, in this first post, I
should formulate some short-term goals for myself... so lets go:
- I have to hand out fifty resumes in the first week of being in Melbourne
- I have to suss out some open mics that I might be able to perform at
- I have to meet someone cool in my first week there
- I have to make it to my first centrelink payment without breaking my $280 budget
COME ON TUGZY.
Now is the time. Imagine me slapping myself in the face right now...
hold up... there, I just did it. Tomorrow I'll pack my bags, then go
to Rhino Room and tear the roof off, and then Tuesday morning I'll be
out of here. I'm really quite scared.
First post down,
tick tick tick those boxes on a Sunday.
Peace, Taco.
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