The rising sounds
of Above and Beyond's 'Sun and Moon' tinge a new Monday with a drop
of melancholy this clear afternoon. Spring is almost here, eleven
days by my chronograph, and yesterday was Sunday. It was one of
those Sundays. Oh boy, was it ever.
Losing control of
your emotions never comes highly recommended, even when surrounded by
close friends and sure allies. Yesterday as I was paralyzed by the
burning fear raging inside my nerve centre my emotions swung back and
forth and round and round, flinging out in all directions and taking
out pedestrians like a giant truck fishtailing down a slippery, one
lane road. CRUNCH – a mailbox. BOOM – three rows of apricot
trees. BAM – the front of some lady's white sedan. I took my foot
off of the brakes yesterday, and, as always, today I am left trying
to get my bearings and pick up the pieces.
Melbourne really is
an amazing city; there are ridiculous amounts of opportunities for
anyone with even the slightest leanings towards
artistic expression. Today I've made contact with an online magazine
called YAWP that follows Melbourne's comedy scene and gives comedians
and writers in general a place to display work and write about our
world – I might just submit a few articles for those guys to have a
look at... probably a few of the things I've written on here recently
that I'm pretty happy with. Also there's a TV series on channel 31
(some community channel) called Crack Up Lab that will feature
twenty-five up-and-coming Melbourne comedians in a five-episode
stand-up competition with the winners from each episode going into a
sixth episode final. I've put my name down for that and even if I
don't get selected to go on, I'll probably end up in the crowd
checking out which comedians that I've met around the place do spots.
That's just the thing about this place, it is literally impossible
to be stuck for something to do... if anyone somehow is then I would
suggest fairly confidently that they aren't looking very hard and
probably spend more than the fair allotment of time smoking weed and
touching their dick.
But yesterday
man... the part with the Adelaide crew at Timmy, Brodie, and Desh's
place... I don't know what it was and I'm sure the fair majority of
it was in my head, but there were some wack vibes floating around
that place towards the tail end of the afternoon. I was paralyzed in
silence for around two hours at the height of my trip which was
definitely less than enjoyable, although it did give me time to think
about my drastically altered social life when compared with the easy
comfortability of Adelaide. Gone are my best friends – those who I
can be absolutely sure to call at any time, day or night, and know
that they'll be down for whatever cause I throw at them. It really
goes along way towards creating a deeper appreciation for the few
friends that I have found who I know will be friends forever. It's
just like that song says; “understand that friends come and go, but
with a precious few you should hold on... work hard to bridge the
gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get the more
you need the people who knew you when you were young.”
I feel like all my
life I have been like that truck driver, trying desperately to keep
my load under control, to stop it from taking out the bushes and
fences and old people's shitty cars on the side of the road. If I let
my attention slip, even for the briefest moment, some bump or twist
will send the dangerous trailer viciously into the side of Mr
Gerald's tool shed. Even sometimes when I remain vigilant, the task
of keeping my emotions in check is too great, and shit inevitably
gets fucked up. It's hard, this control thing... and sometimes I
wonder whether I'm doing the right thing at all in trying to play
puppet-master with my own feelings. This is all I know for now
though... I guess that's the reason I'm out here. To break the cycle
of destroy and rebuild, destroy and rebuild, destroy and rebuild. To
kick the bad habit of entropy.
Peace, Taco.
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